“And when his brethren saw that their father loved him more than all his brethren, they hated him, and could not speak peaceably unto him.”
That statement from ancient scriptures paints a clear picture of the side effects of differential treatment or favouritism among children in a family. It also elucidates the fact that differential treatment is not new, but rather a deep rooted problem to which parents must give adequate attention. The purpose of this article is to address the issue of differential treatment in families: The insidious nature of differential treatment, causes, negative effects and what parents can do to alleviate the negative impact of differential treatment on their families.
WHAT IS DIFFERENTIAL TREATMENT?
The term, differential treatment, is a rather broad social science term that covers racial discrimination, discrimination in the work place, family, etc such that one person or group is disadvantaged. However, for the purpose of this article, differential treatment can be defined as any difference in treatment giving to children under similar circumstances such that one child is at a disadvantage or shown less love, care or concern. For example, sometime ago, I was called in to provide home lessons for the children in a family. The mother told me that one child, let us call her Ruth is loved by all so no matter the charges, it will be paid. The second child that I will call Pamela was not that loved so she(the mother) has to be the one to pay that child’s fees. Even the father will hesitate to pay. While this might appear a little bit extreme, it is a typical example and be sure that there are many examples above or below that. If you take your mind back to growing up in your family, there is a high probability that you will remember that one person who was given whatever he/she asked for. There was someone who was trusted with the parent’s room keys or huge sums of money. There was that person who could break/damage something important yet go scot-free, there could have even been someone who was an intercessor - If you need something and you channel it through that person you are sure to get it. A bad report about them is treated with kid gloves (he/she is just a kid your parents say) but if you try same thing, you face a family tribunal.
